“There’s Only This”

The song, “Another Day” from Rent has been stuck in my head all day. And I think it’s rather fitting, as I can’t think of a song that better describes how I am currently living. Luckily, my circumstances are better than those depicted in Rent, but the urgency to live in the NOW is felt.

A member of my new found family here is making her great return to London this week (sob). As I prepare to say goodbye to another person that has become a staple in my life, I have begun to analyze my relationships here.  This lifestyle offers a very unique and special situation. Every relationship created is intense because we all understand that it is temporary – we only have so much time together. So we squeeze it all out, eat it all up and ask for seconds. The bond that is created as a result is one that would take years to cultivate if we were all back in our respective homes. Some, perhaps, would not have happened.

I had a conversation with a dear friend from home the other night and he mentioned that when I return I’ll need to really think about my future. Upon hearing that I realized that for the first time in my life, I am living in the NOW. Naturally I am a planner, I like to have things mapped out – lists – 5 year plans etc. For the first time in my life, I am fully present, everyday. The meat tastes better (well actually it is the best meat in the world soooo), the wine is smoother – everything is heightened.

Traveling, immersing yourself in a world that is completely new, is the most incredible high you can ever have. It’s addicting. It’s because these moments are so fleeting that they are incredibly special. You nourish them, you cherish them, give everything to them. You are selfless in them. I can honestly say that I have never been more giving, and yet I feel that I am not giving enough.

I am so grateful for this time – the people – this space – the crazy – the good – the tears – the frustration – the worry – the hugs – the simplicity of having anothers hand resting on yours – to have someone stroke your hair – the smirks – the full belly, gonna pee your pants laughter – spilled drinks – cigarette burns – Italian – Spanish – English – Humahuaca – Hebrew – the support – the confusion – the inside jokes – the dance parties . . .

So with that I am going to get a little cheesy here and quote the song I am referring to my title –

“there’s only us, there’s only this, forget regret, or life is yours miss, no other road, no other way – no day but today.”

Yes, I do need to think about my future. I need to figure how to continue to live with this much fervor for the rest of my life, wherever I am.

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