The topic for this weeks edition of “Real talk Sunday” is – drum-roll please – AGE.
So, as strange as this is going to sound, it doesn’t change the fact that turning 26 has totally thrown me. You know how most birthdays are, you wake up – bask in the glory of the fact that it’s your day – but aside from seeing your Facebook notifications go up – nothing really changes. You don’t look older. You don’t grow taller. Your boobs don’t go up a cup size (naturally). For the most part, it’s just another day on the calendar.
There have only been two birthdays when I can actually say that I felt “different” – my 23rd and my 26th. The day of my 23rd I woke up and felt like an adult and I LOVED it. But, 26. 26! Oh man, I woke up and felt, older, like something had changed. I am in the last leg of my mid-twenties. WTF. When did that happen? I don’t have the best birthday luck. For some reason, my birthdays always tend to be anticlimactic.
Last year, the BIG 25, I found myself with a 102 degree fever, hopped up on meds, too sick to move. The year before that one of my friends got into a fight which got us kicked out of the club we were at. Another time, a friend had found out her bf was cheating on her. The list goes on and on. I haven’t properly celebrated my birthday in YEARS. As a result, I had decided that if I had to turn 26, that I would do it in a fabulous fashion – hello Buenos Aires! What happened? I sprained my ankle the day before. Mind you the housemates and I made dinner and it was lovely but there was no going out, no dancing – just me and bag of ice. Oh well :).
I have to admit I am feeling the pressure with this new year. The pressure to “grow up”, “settle down”. When I look at my life in a traditional sense I should be settling into a career, a serious relationship, perhaps even a home. I couldn’t be further away from all of those things. I think that is what is getting to me the most with this new year, and new age. I have no qualms with growing up. I love being a grown ass woman. I loved being a teen, but I am glad that’s over. I want to be a woman on my own terms. I have always been stubborn and hell bent on doing things my way. I am in no hurry to “settle down”.
The thing that scares me the most about getting older, isn’t that I am going to age, it’s that I didn’t do all the things I wanted to do “when I was young”. As I start to say goodbye to the years in which I am supposed to be in my “prime” – I wonder did it do it “right”. Do I have all the ingredients that will allow me to age with grace? I think the most important lesson for me to learn is staring me in the face. I need to stop over analyzing. I need to get out of my head. What’s in a birthday? Its a mark that shows another journey around the sun. Wonderful! Instead of focusing on that one day, I am going to make more of a conscious effort to live everyday to the fullest. So on the next anniversary of my birth I can look back and be proud of who I am and what I’ve done. Because if I must get older, I better have some great stories to tell.